I wrote out scriptures and quotes for months. On walls I pasted them, I walked by them, looked at them, spoke them, swallowed them and thought on them. God uses people to change the course of your life.
Shut up and off from the world with the truth surrounding me.
The day came when I took them down, I was ready to fly on my own. As each one came down, I said, this is a book waiting to be written.
And write I did. Here a little, there a little. Then the day came when people started asking me if I had a finished book to read. Taking notice, I said not quite yet. God uses people to change the course of your life.
Then the day came when exposed pain emerged and I was aware that it became a useful tool for me. The writing flowed out of it, the date was set to finish the writing. God uses people to change the course of your life.
There have been days lately, that I cannot get to my keyboard to write. It has been 4 days now and I find myself being agitated and single eyed in my pursuit to get to my file and start a fresh page. I have missed you. You are warm, creative and inviting and let me be my complete, true self. Writing, you have become a close friend.
I have been on a journey the last few years. I had been calling it a healing journey, but Kelly Flanagan in his book, Lovable, has challenged me to call it being wholed. I resonate with that because I often pray Shalom over myself and others. The Hebrew word, Shalom, is often linked to the word peace but it is so much more than that, it is wholeness, integrity, completeness, perfection.
I am not writing from an attitude of wholeness today. I feel anything but whole, complete or perfect. But it does not really matter how I feel about it! My true self is whole, complete, full of integrity and perfect!
“In the first act of life, we begin to overcome the disunity at the center of our self, which was wrought by our shame. We embrace the confused and lost little one in us, we return to our worthy and good-enough soul, and we come back into union with the divine spark underneath our underneath. We coalesce around our true self.” KF
I started painting with my daughter during the time my husband and I were separated. We have continued this activity together and it has been wholing. I painted this the other evening. I have been intensely wrestling with God concerning my purpose and my passion. It feels like there is nothing left to squeeze out of me, nothing else to burn, waiting for the “who I am on the inside and what I do on the outside to become one”.
The separateness we feel is truly an illusion and I am easily convinced by it when I see how I behave sometimes or when I look at my circumstances. But the truth is, I am whole and complete and perfect. I have a life full of meaning that is repeatedly being pulled free from shame and into my divine purpose. That is my true self.