Be still and know that I love you…that I hold you in the palm of my hand…that I have counted the hairs on your head…that you are the apple of my eye…that your name is written in my heart…”Do not be afraid it is I.”
There is nothing in us that needs to be hidden from God’s love. Our guilt …our shame…our fear…our sins…He wants to see it, touch it, hear it…and make Himself known. There is no other God than the Lord of Love.
Be still and know that I am God. God is not in the storm, nor in the earthquake, nor in the fire, but in the still, small voice , the gentle breeze, and the sheer silence…
Be still and know that I am God. Take these words with you in the week to come…let them be like a little seed planted in the good soil of your heart and let it grow…
Thinking: we all do it. Some of us are better at hiding it than others, but no matter who you are, the things you think about will affect all of your life choices. We have amazing minds, and I don’t think we can be reminded enough of the benefits of renewing our minds.
I have written a lot of blog posts on this idea over the last year. The following is what I wrote one morning on my Facebook page. Although the focus is on shame, it ultimately goes back to what we think about ourselves:
According to the book Unashamed by Christine Caine, shame-based thinking says, ” I am not ________ enough” (Thin enough, smart enough, victorious enough, successful enough, Christian enough, a good enough parent, a good enough spouse, etc.). But those are constant lies that many of us have believed. It isn’t what God says about us. It isn’t the truth. In Genesis 2:25, “Adam and his wife were naked and they knew no shame.” That was what God created. Jesus took shame on the cross, and His Blood will wash away all of our shame if we let Him work in our lives. Run to Him! He ALWAYS wants to bring wholeness and healing to His children no matter what you have done or where you have been. He loves you so much that He died on a cross for your sin. You ( and I ) are no shock to Him! If you walk around continually defeated, feeling like you are missing the mark, remind yourself of what He says about you. You are completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted, and complete in Him! He is the one you are living for, so His approval is the only one that matters. He is love. Let Him free you of your shame so you can be the person He created you to be. ❤
Do you walk around continually defeated? Do you question everything about yourself and all the decisions you make? Consider taking time to question what lies you are believing about yourself. It cannot happen overnight, and it cannot happen when you are rushed. But as you take quiet time and reflection and begin to ask yourself hard questions, you can be free from these untruths that have been holding you back in life.
Here are five essential oils that can help clear the mind as well:
Sage or Clary Sage
As an aromatherapist, I regularly use and carry all five. I am here on this journey with you! You are not alone and you are loved!
Are you interested in trying these five mind-balancing oils? Have you experienced the power of renewing your mind and thought patterns? We want to hear from you today!
I told you last week I wanted to do a series on my journey through the last year. Last year at this time I had come clean with a gigantic failure. Now my failure was noticeable to others. We all have failures, but they are not all noticeable to others. My husband and I had many failures that lead up to my “huge” failure and they mostly went unnoticed to others but were destroying my wholeness, our marriage and our family.
Noticeable failure, I have found, can bring enormous amounts of guilt and shame. The shame wants to suffocate you. It wants to keep you in a bondage not unlike the one you just came out of. It took an amazing amount of mental assent to the truth, like non-stop 24/7 self- talk, filling my mind with the truth. I took about 3 months off, as much as I could, just to fill my mind with the truth. Any little rejection from any person would throw me right back into a pit, so I was very self-guarded and did not go out very often. I was acutely aware that I couldn’t stay in that place of hiding, so I was cautious but I also needed to be safe in the loving arms of Jesus to be restored.
Christine Caine said; “shame always wants to re capture you at the point (where you still see baggage dragging) and wants to take you hostage.” I wrote that quote along with now hundreds of quotes and scripture onto art paper and started “postering” our home with them. I would walk around and read them out loud! I was most literally “Not conforming to this world but being transformed by the renewing of my mind.” Romans 12:2
I do not know how a person could get out of destructive habits any other way. I do not know how you could mix “a little bit of truth” in with a world that is swallowing it up faster than you can take it in and be transformed. I think that is why it says; “do not conform to the world.” All those “little failures” I spoke of earlier, were seemingly small. Ever so slightly, I was getting loose with my boundaries. They did not start as big leaps into uncharted territory. Mary Kassian says “it comes by creeps, not leaps” and that is So very true! Conforming to the world, it’s desires, it’s pleasure…the “I deserve it” mentality wraps itself around you and the tune turns up the volume in your mind until you are singing along. Breaking these habits takes radical, violent action- it will not happen passively.
I spent another 3-6 months testing the waters of the outside world with my new legs and a growing inner strength. That would only come after significant time reading the Bible, praying and singing. I have taken up the guitar in the last few years and it has been a comfort to me as well as a positive challenge. As I said in my last blog I would repeat these truths; “Julia, you are deeply loved, completely forgiven, totally accepted and fully pleasing to God.” (Search for Significance). One day, after a dear friend read John 8 to me, it was as if I was there with Jesus and He was saying to me, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more- I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” Jesus, the savior of the world, told me “neither do I condemn you.”, I couldn’t have a higher authority than that and I continue to keep my eyes completely focused on Him.
I am personally aware how our destructive behaviors can really damage others and I have lamented over these. I first had to walk along side my husband ,who I have hurt the most and who has had supernatural love toward me, so I have seen the pain I have caused first hand. I am not minimizing this aspect of failure at all, but when it comes down to it, all that a person can do is ask for forgiveness and pray fervently that God uses it all for good. I am unable to be responsible for how other people choose to respond but I do hold it close and pray every day for reconciliation in every relationship.
If we keep listening to shame in our failures, no matter “how big or how small”, they will remind us how long we have been carrying them and tell us “you will never be rid of this.” But God wants us to be FREE, He came to set us free from this world and to live with Him and have life more abundantly. He is cheering us on and giving us the strength to “run the race with endurance.” Hebrews 12:1
Believing this is all true, is radical! I have been on this journey and I want to encourage you on yours. My hope is that I reach a light to those struggling in a similar situation and walk the path with you so you are not alone. ❤
Here is a quote from Christine Caine’s book unashamed… “Shame will always want to recapture you at that point and once again take you hostage. It will run wild with accusations if you allow it, pointing gleefully at every ugly piece of dirty laundry still packed in your baggage .It will work so hard to remind you how long you’ve been carrying it, and it will resort to its old lie: “You’ll never be rid of it.”
This last month I did a 3-part blog on shame, blame and un forgiveness. I just finished this book by Christine Caine (that I highly recommend you to read) and challenge you into your weekend to really “get free”! Don’t just enjoy your self with the freedom that a weekend can bring, but get free emotionally, physically and spiritually from the bondage shame can bring!
Out of Christine’s personal journey, she started helping others…even those in anti-human trafficking – as well as encouraging women in general to be all that God has created them to be. Let’s all get “freer” together…i am right here with you and for you<3 ❤
I gave you my salt scrub idea this week…how about a quick oil recipe?
1/2 c. coconut oil (which has an spf of 4;-), 3 drops of lavender and 3 drops of roman chamomile.Blend together for a soothing relaxing all over lotion (you can even use it on your face:-)
Have a great weekend, we want to hear about your freedom today!
Connection is some thing that we all need. There are three areas that will completely destroy that connection and those relationships that we desire if we give them any opening in our lives. Last week we blogged on shame... Today we are talking about blame.
I can talk about this from a position of authority because, unfortunately, I have mastered it. I have shamed, I have been ashamed, I have blamed, I have been blamed through my choices and then subsequent behaviors. Unless we get to the root of the problem( it doesn’t matter what area of life we are speaking of, friendships, marriage, parenting, work relationships) it will destroy the fabric that seemingly holds relationship together.
Robert McGee in Search for Significance says; ” Many have been broken by the false belief-those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we all tend to point an accusing finger, assigning blame for virtually every failure. Whenever we fail to receive approval for our performance, we are likely to search for a reason….a culprit….or a scapegoat. More often than not, we can find no one but ourselves to blame, so the accusing finger points right back at us. Self condemnation is a severe for m of punishment.”
Another reason we seek to blame he says; “Is that our success often depends on their contribution. Their failure is a threat to us. When the failure of another blocks our goal of success, we usually respond by defending ourselves and blaming them, often using condemnation to manipulate them to improve their performance.”
OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!!! Oh, I see that in myself with my relationships with my children especially and I have gone to them and told them I have failed miserably here! I also see how I have done that to my husband over the years….it would be so easy for me to shame myself (because I am guilty) but I will choose to forgive myself and instead make very necessary changes.
So guilt is definitely a part of this shame and blame in our lives. Dr. Henry Cloud in his book Changes That Heal says; ” Guilt and shame too often sends us into hiding. If we have to hide, we cannot get help for our needs and brokenness; we cannot become “poor in Spirit” and therefore be blessed. When grace comes along and says that we are not condemned for who we truly are, then guilt can begin to be resolved, an we can begin to heal.”
So if we are working toward connection and healing in our lives, we need to eradicate shame and blame from our lives. We need to help facilitate healing to others and to ourselves. Easier said than done….we all want to blame some one or some thing when some thing goes wrong, it is our nature. But if we want to live a life of healing and connection with others, we have to walk in humility and understanding.
I want to grow….it hurts. I want to be a person who is full of grace and mercy knowing all the grace and mercy that has been shown to me. I want to encourage you on your walk as others have encouraged me. Has this been helpful to you? We want to hear from you today<3
Shame, is a topic none of us want to talk about…. and….that is where it gets it’s power. We all have it. Some of us have dealt with it better than others, or we are completely disconnected people and we become sociopaths!
As I was reading a book called Search for Significance by Robert McGee, a friend of mine gave me the book Daring Greatly by Brene’ Brown. OK! I am paying attention, this is some thing that God wants me to deal with in my life!
McGee says about shame; “too often our personality becomes glued to the failures. Our self-image becomes no more than a reflection of our past.” That, McGee says,” leads us to believing a lie; I am what I am, I cannot change.”
Brown says; ” as we work to understand shame, one of the simpler reasons that shame is so difficult to talk about is vocabulary. We often use the terms embarrassment, guilt, humiliation and shame interchangeably. It might seem overly picky to stress the importance of using the appropriate term to describe and experience or emotion; however, it is much more than semantics.” “The difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the difference between ” I am bad” and “I did some thing bad. Guilt=I did some thing bad. Shame= I am bad.”
If we live our lives based on these lies about our selves, OR if “we use shame to keep people in line, it is not only wrong, it is dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all” Brown says.
Well, that is a list right there!One where I can see some of that in myself, and a list I see throughout society. Maybe you do not find yourself in that list…McGee gives one of his own. “Inferiority, Habitual Destructive Behavior, Self-Pity, Passivity, Isolation and Withdraw, Loss of Creativity, Codependent Relationships and Despising Our Appearance.” Can you see your self in that list? I have all my life and still struggle with some of those things.
Here are some steps that Brown gives to help you out of the shame attack.
Practice courage and reach out! Yes I want to hide, but the way to fight shame and to honor who we are is by sharing our experience with someone who has earned the right to hear it- someone who loves us, not despite our vulnerabilities, but because of them.
Talk to myself the way I would talk to some one I really love and whom I’m trying to comfort in the midst of a meltdown; Your’re okay. Your’re human- we all make mistakes. I’ve got your back. Normally during a shame attack we talk to ourselves in ways we would NEVER talk to people we love and respect.,
Own the story! Don’t bury it and let it fester or define me. I often say this aloud; “if you own this story you get to write the ending. When we bury the story we forever stay the subject of the story. If we won the story we get to narrate the ending. As Carl Jung said, “I am not what has happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
This is good stuff! It is what I need to hear right now in my life, AND it has given me a real eye opener to what I can do to my children when I don’t agree with their behavior. My loving husband said to me; “You are not defined by your failure, you are defined by who you are….and you are not that.” I loved that. I want to believe that, I want to be that to others.
Isaiah says; “He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God and afflicted but He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities the chastisement for our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, everyone, to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.” Is. 53:4-6
He took our sin and shame and our defeat. I need to remember that every day and want to remind all of those in my life the same.
An amazing essential oil that can calm broken hearts and emotions with it’s chemical components is; Rose Otto. I have been spraying that profusely on myself and through my home surrounding myself with the fragrance of love and healing. Just as Jesus did for us.
What are your thoughts on shame? What are your thoughts on Rose? We want to hear from you today!<3