My Search for Significance.

search-for-significance-1-05I am going to be doing a series of  blogs writing about the journey I have been on over the last year.  I called it My Search for Significance, taken from the book Search for Significance by Robert McGee, because it was a pinnacle book on my journey. It may not be a consecutive series, but it will be one none the less!

Last year at this time, my marriage, that had previously hit rock bottom was beginning to grow some new life in it. It looked like this;20160922_080045

OK, it looked like this without the flower…the flower is still forming. But through the rock,  despite the elements, against all odds, there was some life that started…as fragile as that spindly root, but there was definite life forming! On the outside, many people had no idea what was taking place on the inside of our family. A few close friends new the ongoing obstacles and trials we faced, but most people, I suspect, thought we were a pretty amazing family. (And we are- praise to God and not to my “Plastic Christian Face;-)

At this point we were separated. It was a Controlled Separation with the help of our Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (we have done a Lot of counseling in 25 years, this is the only kind of counseling I can whole hardheartedly recommend.) I had made a choice at the beginning of the year to face what ever it was that I had to face, to not look for greener grass and to deal with things that I can see now I was trying to escape.

I started reading Search for Significance before this point and it was an extremely important  part of the puzzle for me in my metamorphosis. When I was challenged with the questions of where I find my significance, I found that I really had my significance wrapped titles much more than I realized. For many years I had been  A Good Christian Wife , I was a Hard Working Home-Schooling Mom,  A Worship Leader, A Youth Leader. I went to church every Sunday, I went to Bible Study, I helped whenever I could. Although these are all great and noble characteristics and lead to a level of life and peace,those are things that I did not who I was.

I was digging deep. Who was I and why was my life in such disarray after all of these years of “faithful service.” Well, those are complex questions, and there are a lot of complex answers, but the basis of Search for Significance definitely was my base from which to work off of and continues to be daily;

  1. I am deeply loved
  2. I am forgiven
  3. I am accepted
  4. I am fully pleasing …To God.

I had to understand the importance of this and begin to believe it before I could move forward with in myself, let alone any other relationship.Nothing or Nobody is going to change these truths! Every time I face insecurity I say these things to myself. This is where my significance comes from. Not in what I do, or how well I perform, but in this knowledge. I wrote it on a piece of art paper and taped it to my wall and I said it several times a day. I began to tell it to my children, I began to tell it to my husband and who ever else would receive it from me. I have wrestled with each line of this and have been able to say a truthful, “Yes” to each one.

Just like the above picture, my hard heart started to crack and a gleam of light entered and stirred a system that was there waiting for this photosynthesis! That realization gave me the solid ground I needed to continue in the journey, even if I have stumbled on it.

I wonder if you can relate to, or have been encouraged or challenged by any of my story? I would love to hear from you today. Have a great Monday! Have a great week:-)

 

A Song in My Heart<3

 

You don’t have to look very far to see brokenness in our world. We have broken relationships, health, finances, systems, the list never ends. It can be hard to find a song to sing sometimes, unless that song is one of brokenness and pain!!

My brother recently said this to me;

 

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He said it after he heard me sing a song the I wrote from my heart, it spoke to him. He was glad and able to see I had a song to sing, because he understands the journey I’ve been on. The song that I wrote speaks of the brokenness that I’ve experienced, but it also speaks of Hope.

The Hope I find is the only Hope I think is true. It is not in what I earn, or my status, or the lottery, or even my health….it is in God. He is my hope and I want to offer you that hope to you. I believe that 2000 ish years ago, God sent His son in the form of human baby, and celebrate that at Christmas. I believe He lived as a man for 33 years, even though He was fully God at the same time. I believe that He died, and was buried and was raised again by the power of the Holy Spirit after 3 days, just like He said He would. I believe He was taken up into heaven and is sitting at the right hand of His Father until He comes again to set up His perfect kingdom on earth.His name is Jesus. ( For the whole story read the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John in The Bible.)

My hope is in that. No matter what goes on in this broken world, or my broken life, He is what I look to and for. God loves me, forgives me, accepts me, and I am pleasing to Him and that puts a song in my heart! I believe your song is hope, and I sing that over you today whether you can sing  along with me or you have forgotten it’s words<3