A Beautiful Heart

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My husband gave me a card today, inside it said,  you have a beautiful heart. If I read that on a great day, being in a euphoric state of mind, it would have been humbling. But I read it today. Today which came after last night, in which we had quite a spirited argument.  I woke up just as angry as I went to sleep, even though we both take “do not let the sun go down on your anger” quite literally!

My heart wasn’t beautiful! I had a card for my husband, but I couldn’t bring myself to give it to him. When I write something or give a card, I have to be in complete agreement with it- if I am not, it would be a false representation. But he not only left this card for me to read, he wrote in it one of the most expressive notes I have ever received from him! It was extremely real, loving, kind and humbling. No one knows me better than him and no one sees the whole package like he does….and yet, he calls it beautiful.

We took time to pray before we went to work today, we prayed through, until all of the misunderstandings had subsided and the peace that surpasses all understanding guarded our hearts and minds once again. This is new for us. We didn’t used to allow work to wait before and we allowed other matters to have preeminence over our relationship. This was the right thing to do! Ask for forgiveness- Go to God and say we are weak, our wisdom lacks and He is the answer!

To tell you the truth, the card and my husband’s expression reminded me so much of Jesus. He thinks my heart is beautiful too no matter what! He doesn’t look on the outward appearance, but He looks at my heart. That is solid and mature and I am not always there. This Valentines day, is such a great reminder of that other-worldly love. A love that dies to self so others can live. A love, not always sexy and romantic the way we think of love, but solid, mature, and always there no matter what. It’s rare and I am humbled to have such beautiful hearts hold mine<3

I’m Doing The Best I Can

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“Mom, why didn’t you tell me the oatmeal was overflowing! Mom! Mom! Mom!??? Mom, why didn’t you tell me the oatmeal was overflowing? (I remain supernaturally quiet). Mom!! Why are you ignoring me?” Assuming everything in the universe that is wrong has been caused by yours truly...”Mom why didn’t you tell me….”

“Dorian, when you put food in the microwave too long, it  heats up and overflows.” “Oh!” he says, as if he has truly learned a new concept. A few minutes later…”Mom, why didn’t you tell me that the oatmeal was overflowing?!!Mom! Why are you ignoring me?” ( I thought we just had this conversation a few seconds ago and he accepted my response as a reasonable answer?) “Dorian, when you put food in the microwave too long, it heats up and over flows.” “Oh!”, he said.

Here is an actual excerpt of a 5 minute conversation we had the other morning at breakfast. This is very typical.  Of course the oatmeal isn’t always over flowing, but the intensity and seeming insanity is commonly overflowing. I am not sure why I have been chosen for such an enormous task as this. One which requires such superhuman love! I have not always dealt with it wisely and definitely have tried my hand at escape. Sometimes I think, after all of the education I have sought out, the prayers that I have prayed, the multitude of counselors and therapies we have implemented, that some how we should reach a plateau called, Easier! I am realizing that to get to the other side, you have to keep moving through, keep doing the next right thing, keep going through. Some times I let my son and my self down with how I respond but there is one thing I am sure of… I am doing the best I can.

My Beloved

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“The core of my faith belongs to the conviction that you and that I and that we are the beloved daughters and sons of God. One of the enormous spiritual tasks we have is to claim that and to live a life based on that knowledge.” henri nouwen

I agree. It is something that I have been trying to wrap my mind around for the last few years, but more than that, asking God Himself to implant that deeply into my mind and my heart. I believe it is the core of living; looking past our “false self”, or our apparent self or circumstances to our “true self” who is the beloved of God to fully live as we were intended.

While meditating on Nouwen’s book, Spiritual Direction and his meditation on The Beloved, I wrote this song.

 

I am your beloved-you made me in eternity

You gave me love-so I could give it out-it will not run out in you

My beloved, my beloved, my beloved-Jesus

 

Here and now-your love is my power for victory- your song and strength to me

You will never leave- though the enemy tries to deceive- I will trust in you

My beloved, my beloved, my beloved-Jesus

 

You know my thoughts afar- you come to where we are- no stones, just nail scarred hands

You put them ’round my face- and sing amazing grace- love divine pouring into man

My beloved, my beloved, my beloved-Jesus

 

I pray that this love pours out of me to others and that I let it’s truth sustain me the rest of my life<3

You Are Precious…

You are precious and are worth dying for. God absolutely delights in you and wants to be in a relationship with you- if that isn’t The God you have heard about, you have only heard religion..which isn’t God. Seek the truth through Jesus and you will find the way, truth and life♥

alabaster flask

Speaking about precious things as it relates to Essential Oils… there is an account in the the gospels of a woman bringing an alabaster flask to Jesus. This is how it reads in Luke 7:37-49;

 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[a] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

The perfume that was in this alabaster flask was Spikenard (which is named in  Mark’s Gospel of this account.) I have always loved and related to this story because I have been  this woman; sinful, transparent, affectionate, misunderstood, judged, loved and forgiven. And when I went to Aromatherapy school, I was so excited that I actually got to work with Spikenard essential oil!

In the other accounts of this story, everyone was “indignant” about what the woman did, in addition to her obvious intimate attention to Jesus, because the perfume that she broke over Him was very costly. They said that it could have been sold and the money given to the poor. So this was a known, rare and  precious perfume to everyone’s knowledge.  But her devotion and out pouring to Him and His love and affection toward her was much more valuable and worthy of her fame throughout generations!

You can read more about Spikenard in a  paper I wrote; Spikenard! A research paper by Julia Allman,  I go into depth about this amazing, ancient oil. But I want to follow up with the fact that YOU are more precious than silver or gold or anything else the world has to offer. You matter, you make a difference and God desires an intimate, healing relationship with you now and forever<3

Friends in Time

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Each Day I find, miracles in my life, gifts so great they could only be yours

Friends in time, changes kind, strength from your loving hand

I’m on my way, bearing the new man.

Lord, Here’s my life, heal my heart, heal my soul.

Lord, Here’s my life, as I seek you, make me whole,

Here’s my life, Oh Lord, make me whole.

This is my friend that I met while I was at school for Aromatherapy. God brought us together through our love of holistic health! Her husband and her were with in three hours of our home and we were able to to meet up half way and spend an evening together! I really thought the chances of ever seeing her again were slim to none!

It brought to mind the words of the song that I wrote many years before. Friends in time. I have been so blessed to know so many incredible people, so diverse, so loving, so kind, strong, opinionated, and courageous……always in my heart, even if we do not get to see each other for years.

We all need each other don’t we? And all of my friends make up parts of who I am. I have learned from them all, even (and probably especially) the ones who may have parted my company. Iron sharpens iron and love never truly fades away.

It was actually surreal that I could hold her and see her and talk- which both of us couples did for hours! Listening to each other’s journeys over the last few years and we have both been on some unexpected, adventurous journeys!! Growing in faith and trust, and looking to the future with expectation. I re count it today, and I am very thankful for the opportunity to see each other. ❤

 

 

 

Let’s Be Healers…

 

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When I read this; everything that has ever happened to me, or that I have caused  to happen in some one else’s life cries, “YES” ! More than any thing, I want to be a re builder, restorer, lover, healer and a free-er.

In this time, like no other, we can rise up and choose to be these things to the harsh world we live in. I am right here with you, yielding to love as ruler of my heart.

This reminds me of Rose. This is what Pompeii Organics has to say about it;

This Is A Beautifully Rich And “True To The Flower” Oil Best Used For Skin Care Applications. Add To Lotion Or Jojoba Oil For A Precious Skin Treatment. Great For Dry Or Mature Skin Types. It Is Hormone Balancing, Cooling For Hot Flashes, Calming, And Emotionally Uplifting. Energetically, Rose Helps To Promote An Open Heart To Receive And Give Love And Kindness. Soften Your Skin And Your Soul With Rose Absolute.

A great reminder and highlight for this time of year! Healing to the skin and to the heart! Be a healer in some one’s life today. We are right here with you on the journey!