What Is Your Drug Of Choice?

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Photo by Gabrielle Allman

I am so thankful, on this fall morning, for the peace and freedom that I am experiencing right now! I have been writing a book and have a deadline for the end of December. It is my story of recovering from an addictive, life altering event.

I have written my journey, in part, on this forum for over three years now. But in the wake of this particular event of my life, I took months off of life, to spend time with The Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  I needed to emotionally heal and I am grateful to my family that I was able to do that. My wish and prayer is that every person could have that space of time to recover from what ever trauma they have experienced and I would love to be a facilitator of that in the future, in a greater way than I am presently.

During that time I wrote out scriptures, some quite artistically, and literally plastered my home with them. They would be in front of my face and I would read them, speak them and meditate on them all day. Yesterday, I had the privilege of reacquainting with a woman who had been at my home during the time of my renewal.  She said she will never forget seeing  those scriptures attached to my walls. She said that she used the bathroom while she was at my home and spent time just reading the verses that were attached to the mirror in there. She too had been entangled in something and God was using the means of renewing my mind, to shed light into her darkness as well. This is the ultimate power that is greater than any other pull of the world, but we have to apprehend it.

Our mind is a magnificent created universe with tremendous pathways that can be re directed. I had built unhealthy ruts in my mind through addictive behaviors and they needed to be rewired and healed.

Romans 12:2  says; Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.

I had conformed to the pattern of the world and it was downright painful to pull out all of that construction and rebuild, but God had encouraged me on with every Word that He spoke through His Word to me. Jesus became very real and tangible. During that time He pulled down the strongholds of caring what others thought about me, he delivered me from depression and He showed me, so intimately, who I am in Him.

Another scripture that I wrote down in addition to Romans 12:2, was 1 Peter 1:13.

Gird up the loins of your mind, be sober and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

This passage speaks of doing what ever it takes to focus our thoughts on those things that allow us to serve God successfully, all the while eliminating any thoughts that would trip us up. The Hebrew idea was, to pull up long robes and tie them around the waist so that quick and freeing movement could be made.

Are there things that are tripping you up? Do you feel as if you can never get free from the things that bind you and set you back? Do you have dark corners of your heart that you hide from everyone in the world? I did too. God knows, He sees, and His response is always love. No one loves or cares about you more than Him. His plan is for you to reflect His glory and be His light to others in the darkness of the world. Jesus offers Himself to you right now. He is the way, the truth and the life. I did not only say that, He said that about Himself. (John 14:6) Whoever follows Him will not walk in darkness but have the light of life. (John 8:12) It is the most freeing, spiritual and adventurous journey you can ever take.

He cares about your life, your soul, your spirit  and your eternity and so do I.  He is here for you right this minute, again, no matter how many times you have tried and failed. Ask Him to forgive you and renew your mind and set all of your hope on His grace to you. Make Him your obsession and aim. I am right here with you walking this path of wholeness and I am so thankful for the opportunity.

 

 

Addicted To The Chaos

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Like this page from  Shauna Neiquist’s, Present Over Perfect says, when we are addicted, it is damaging to us. We keep running back to the “false comforter” in what ever form that is, be it a person, a substance, work, busyness, etc., and it does comfort for a minute but it is in a vacuum. What ever comfort we get at the moment is over shadowed by torment the rest of the day…the pull of it is almost unbearable, but it destroys from the inside out.

As we head into a new year, I pray that I would be free from the things that have held me captive and I pray it for you too! Maybe you need to slow down and you know it, but keep putting that off. Maybe you need to cut off an un-healthy relationship and you know it, but you are passive-waiting for a better relationship to come along. Maybe you are addicted to something that you cannot seem to live with out. With man, any of these things can be impossible to over come. But With God, all things are Possible! Emmanuel, God IS With US! And NO ONE, loves you more than Him! The false comforters will destroy us; our minds, our emotions and our relationships. Come to the true Comforter, The Prince of Peace, who is able to do above and beyond what we can ask or think.

Blessings to You in The Name of Jesus in the New Year! True Health to your mind, will and emotions! I am right here, journeying with you, and I would love to hear from you today<3

It’s A Bloody Battle

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I go to the gym three times a week and work out like a fiend to get all the happy hormones I can get in a morning! I listen to my playlist through my headphones, but there are TV monitors in the gym that I can not escape the view of. I have purposely quit watching and listening to news over the last few years to de clutter my mind and allow space for more peace in my life.

I blogged last week about the devastation in Las Vegas and the last few day, news has been about all of the perversion in Hollywood (not surprising there;-( Devastation seems to be on every side. Hurricanes, fires, scandal, the demise of families; this is a hurting world. I have been harmed by people in my life and I have also caused harm because of my selfishness.  I understand pain very acutely and I understand stumbling and making a mess of my life. From here forward, I want to be a healer and a light to others who are in darker places.

I wrote a song last year as part of a healing process that I want to share. I had this deep pain and I had to get it out. God gave me the ability to write this song and music and it was pivotal in facing the trauma and bringing healing. A friend of mine used the term “bloody battle” to describe her journey and I resonated with that. My heart is that I can comfort someone else by the understanding I have received  and the vulnerability to give it away. I believe there is only one face you can look into, one Name that has power to overcome the world, and one voice that you can listen to, to apprehend this healing. His Name is Jesus. You can click here to hear the song on YouTube. Many Blessings and Peace to you<3

Who Gets Over a Love Like This?

20170115_120032 (1)Photo by Gabrielle Allman

 

I’ve been vulnerable.

I’ve entered temptation.

I’ve been caught in an iron snare.

I’ve been tormented and been refused.

I’ve been naked.

I’ve taken bullets and I’ve been rejected.

And there was a Man who stepped in.

My intimate Lover,

The One who I ran away from.

He has taken my guilt and shame.

He has stood in between me and the pointing fingers.

He knew what I was caught in and had compassion.

He told me all of my brokenness and all of my shame,

My guilt and my lack,

Is being  made into something beautiful and abundant.

…I am starting to believe Him.

Who gets over a love like this?

 

(thoughts collected after reading Ann Voskamp’s book; The Broken Way.)

 

 

My Search For Significance 2

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I told you last week I wanted to do a series on my journey through the last year. Last year at this time I had come clean with  a gigantic failure. Now my failure was noticeable to others. We all have failures, but they are not all noticeable to others. My  husband  and I had many failures that lead up to my “huge” failure and they mostly went unnoticed to others but were destroying my wholeness, our marriage and our family.

Noticeable failure, I have found, can bring enormous amounts of guilt and shame. The shame wants to suffocate you. It wants to keep you in a bondage not unlike the one you just came out of. It took an amazing amount of mental assent to the truth, like non-stop 24/7 self- talk, filling my mind with the truth. I took about 3 months off, as much as I could, just to fill my mind with the truth. Any little rejection from any person would throw me right back into a pit, so I was very self-guarded and did not go out very often. I was acutely aware that I couldn’t stay in that place of hiding, so I was cautious but I also needed to be safe in the loving arms of Jesus to be restored.

Christine Caine said; “shame always wants to re capture you at the point (where you still see baggage dragging) and wants to take you hostage.” I wrote that quote along with now hundreds of quotes and scripture onto art paper and started “postering” our home with them. I would walk around and read them out loud! I was most literally “Not conforming  to this world  but being transformed by the renewing of my mind.” Romans 12:2

I do not know how a person could get out of destructive habits any other way. I do not know how you could mix “a little bit of truth” in with a world that is swallowing it up faster than you can take it in and be transformed. I think that is why it says; “do not conform to the world.” All those “little failures” I spoke of earlier, were seemingly small. Ever so slightly, I was getting loose with my boundaries. They did not start as big leaps into uncharted territory. Mary Kassian says “it comes by creeps, not leaps” and that is So very true! Conforming to the world, it’s desires, it’s pleasure…the “I deserve it” mentality wraps itself around you and the tune turns up the volume in your mind until you are singing along. Breaking these habits takes radical, violent action- it will not happen passively.

I spent another 3-6 months testing the waters of the outside world with my new legs and a growing inner strength. That would only come after significant time reading the Bible, praying and singing. I have taken up the guitar in the last few years and it has been a comfort to me as well as a positive challenge. As I said in my last blog I would repeat these truths; “Julia, you are deeply loved, completely forgiven, totally accepted and fully pleasing to God.” (Search for Significance). One day, after a dear friend read John 8 to me, it was as if I was there with Jesus and He was saying to me, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more- I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” Jesus, the savior of the world, told me “neither do I condemn you.”, I couldn’t have a higher authority than that and I continue to keep my eyes completely focused on Him.

I am personally aware how our destructive behaviors can really damage others and I have lamented over these. I first had to walk along side my husband ,who I have hurt the most and who has had supernatural love toward me, so I have seen the pain I have caused first hand. I am not minimizing this aspect of failure at all, but when it comes down to it, all that a person can do is ask for forgiveness and pray fervently that God uses it all for good. I am unable to be responsible for how other people choose to respond but I do hold it close and pray every day for reconciliation in every relationship.

If we keep listening to shame in our failures, no matter “how big or how small”, they will remind us how long we have been carrying them and tell us “you will never be rid of this.” But God wants us to be FREE, He came to set us free from this world and to live with Him and have life more abundantly. He is cheering us on and giving us the strength to “run the race with endurance.” Hebrews 12:1

Believing this is all true, is radical! I have been on this journey and I want to encourage you on yours. My hope is that I reach a light to those struggling in a similar situation and walk the path with you so you are not alone. ❤