Autism, Birthdays, Mistakes and Inhalers

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My son is autistic. It has been one heck of a ride! Mostly the ride has been within myself, learning to accept, be flexible and be open to a new normal. It has taken almost fourteen years and I have by no means arrived.

 Having a birthday party for him was something I swore off a few years ago…and Oh Buddy, how I did swear!! One does not always know what is going on in that beautiful mind and if you go left when he wants to go right, watch out!  I couldn’t take any more tantrums in front of friends, leaving his friends sitting at the table because they ate their cake before he had the first bite or rude comments about the presents he didn’t like and the list is endless.  It is just too stressful….for me. Does that sound selfish? Maybe it is but I think I have a better grasp on my humanity and what I am able handle peacefully.

He started planning his party 2 months ago. I see him maturing in many ways. He has no problem communicating his need for more freedom and less parental control. I didn’t handle that very well when our oldest son communicated the same things to us at the same age, but I see my error in that now. I want to help raise confident, think for your self, respectful and God fearing men-so I can appreciate his hormones and intrinsic make up better than I used to appreciate his brothers’!

No person on earth has more tested, tried, exasperated or challenged this writer, than this particular son. He makes me want to hit the escape button on my emotional hand held and I sometimes  ponder if space from each other would’n’t be a good idea. I don’t know the answer to that but I do know, he is exposing many things within myself.

As I grow deeper in union with Christ, I have found this to be true. That the people and the situations in our lives that are cataclysmic to us in someway, are the very doors of hope that God has purposed. That can look a lot of ways, can’t it? It can look like the accident,the unplanned pregnancy, the lost dreams, the divorce, the illicit relationship, the addiction or the communication break down, just to name a few. God is standing there, purposing good through it, what ever it is. His hope and future for our good, in the pressure, in the refining and in the heat.  When you are aware of it, your eyes are opened! He wants to do something in us and through us. Ultimately, He wants us to so know how loved, accepted, forgiven and pleasing we are to Him- so that knowledge is given freely to others no matter how they behave, acknowledge or appreciate us.

I am getting ready for a big Aromatherapy event this weekend and in my busyness,  I made a mistake while blending some inhalers. I see that I am maturing a bit too. I just looked at the cartridges and asked, what shall I do with you now? Ginger, Lavender, Frankincense and Bergamot…. the blend lent itself to calming anxiety and reducing stress…perfect! I will give one to each of the special boys who are coming to the birthday party tonight and give one to my son and myself! A mistake turned into a blessing! That is what they are all intended to be. Not just for ourselves, but for everyone who surrounds us as well.

Thank you for reading, I really do appreciate it. I am right here walking this path of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today.

The What and Why Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hm5Gx1NfWmo

 

 

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What Is Your Drug Of Choice?

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Photo by Gabrielle Allman

I am so thankful, on this fall morning, for the peace and freedom that I am experiencing right now! I have been writing a book and have a deadline for the end of December. It is my story of recovering from an addictive, life altering event.

I have written my journey, in part, on this forum for over three years now. But in the wake of this particular event of my life, I took months off of life, to spend time with The Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  I needed to emotionally heal and I am grateful to my family that I was able to do that. My wish and prayer is that every person could have that space of time to recover from what ever trauma they have experienced and I would love to be a facilitator of that in the future, in a greater way than I am presently.

During that time I wrote out scriptures, some quite artistically, and literally plastered my home with them. They would be in front of my face and I would read them, speak them and meditate on them all day. Yesterday, I had the privilege of reacquainting with a woman who had been at my home during the time of my renewal.  She said she will never forget seeing  those scriptures attached to my walls. She said that she used the bathroom while she was at my home and spent time just reading the verses that were attached to the mirror in there. She too had been entangled in something and God was using the means of renewing my mind, to shed light into her darkness as well. This is the ultimate power that is greater than any other pull of the world, but we have to apprehend it.

Our mind is a magnificent created universe with tremendous pathways that can be re directed. I had built unhealthy ruts in my mind through addictive behaviors and they needed to be rewired and healed.

Romans 12:2  says; Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.

I had conformed to the pattern of the world and it was downright painful to pull out all of that construction and rebuild, but God had encouraged me on with every Word that He spoke through His Word to me. Jesus became very real and tangible. During that time He pulled down the strongholds of caring what others thought about me, he delivered me from depression and He showed me, so intimately, who I am in Him.

Another scripture that I wrote down in addition to Romans 12:2, was 1 Peter 1:13.

Gird up the loins of your mind, be sober and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

This passage speaks of doing what ever it takes to focus our thoughts on those things that allow us to serve God successfully, all the while eliminating any thoughts that would trip us up. The Hebrew idea was, to pull up long robes and tie them around the waist so that quick and freeing movement could be made.

Are there things that are tripping you up? Do you feel as if you can never get free from the things that bind you and set you back? Do you have dark corners of your heart that you hide from everyone in the world? I did too. God knows, He sees, and His response is always love. No one loves or cares about you more than Him. His plan is for you to reflect His glory and be His light to others in the darkness of the world. Jesus offers Himself to you right now. He is the way, the truth and the life. I did not only say that, He said that about Himself. (John 14:6) Whoever follows Him will not walk in darkness but have the light of life. (John 8:12) It is the most freeing, spiritual and adventurous journey you can ever take.

He cares about your life, your soul, your spirit  and your eternity and so do I.  He is here for you right this minute, again, no matter how many times you have tried and failed. Ask Him to forgive you and renew your mind and set all of your hope on His grace to you. Make Him your obsession and aim. I am right here with you walking this path of wholeness and I am so thankful for the opportunity.

 

 

Failure

Do you remember in the movie City Slickers when the character, Ed, said his best and worst day were the same day? I relate to that in this way; that the things in my life that could have potentially destroyed me, have been the very things that have given me grit and determination to change.  Those times have been the catalyst to eventually propel me into my best self and my best potential.

I have found that the humility I have learned in failure has been fertile ground for authenticity and given me a more meaningful way to relate to others.

I am sitting here this morning in my quiet place. The corner space in my room, next to a window that has been designated for prayer and meditation. I am reading Psalm 91, H.C.G Moule and Beth Moore. As I feel a cool, gentle breeze touching my shoulder after a humid, sticky night, I find that I am in very good company.  The words  that I am reading were written by people  who have a deep understanding of failure. The constant theme is; what is impossible with man, is possible with God.

It is not only that God loves,  knows and relates to us, in real time, through Jesus Christ…which is pretty mind blowing.   It is that He can still prove inexhaustible and victorious in our mortal flesh today! It is also that, He and He alone, can set us free from the slavery of sin. And it is further, that because He has set His love upon us He will deliver us. 

I am sitting here right now, drinking in His love and mercy. His absolute encouragement  and inspiration toward me to lift my eyes up to the mountains from where my help comes from. The awesome overwhelmedness that He is a master at taking ashes and creating beautiful things out them.  He really wants to do that for me and for you today and every day!

Thank you God that the things that the devil meant to destroy me have been turned for good in your hand. Thank you God for your Holy Spirit that leads me in to all truth and uses my life to help other’s with their’s. I am overwhelmed as I sit in your presence. I thank you for the other’s who have gone before me and have transparently encouraged me by their trials, struggles and failures. As difficult as the road has been, I thank you that you did not allow me to become hardened. You kept my heart soft and vulnerable, so that you could continue to teach me and I could continue to encourage others with the comfort I have received.  And I thank you that you, and you alone, can grow the most beautiful creations out of seemingly impossible conditions. 

 

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I am walking this path of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today.

The Waiting Hours

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I have two friends who, right now, are going through tremendous times of pain. It is excruciating for me to watch, there is nothing….well very little, I can do for them.

My one friend has lost her closest brother to suicide. He was a highly decorated Marine in our United States Marine Corps. He went on from there to become a highly distinguished Navy Seal. He literally gave his life for our country and it’s people. For all of his post trauma, he could not re enter life when he got home. My heart breaks and my eyes swell even as I write. What do you do with this kind of pain?

My other friend has just given birth to a child with severe Spina Bifida. The baby’s back never closed while she was growing safe and snug in her mama’s womb. The amniotic fluid that serves as safety to typical babies became a daily threat to her nerves and muscles that were exposed to it every minute of every day. Before she even had a chance to suck at her mother’s breast, all six pounds of her was taken into life threatening surgery. The details of how you manage three other children and recover from your own, less than perfect, surgery while trying to care for this new life, is more than any one can communicate- but this is my friend’s life right now.

I know something of pain myself. I have had a lot of it in fact. Maybe that is why I can so deeply feel other’s pain when they experience it, which is a silver lining in living through a lot of distress. It is a silver lining because I can relate, be understanding and unselfish in terms of what I get out of that particular relationship. Many times people tend to want you to “snap to it” and “be yourself”, grieve quickly and move on. I am not a grieve quickly kind of person, but the flip side is that I can love in a deeper and more gratifying way too.

This was my prayer to my friend this morning who did not sleep because the baby had become swollen and was draining liquid from her brain and the doctors did not know why.

The brokenness is over whelming we can scarcely stand it, we want to jump out of our skin and flee! Give strength in the pain God and be the rock of salvation, the cornerstone, the hiding place of peace in the storm. Be the light in the darkness and the hope. You are our all in all. You are life. Give, be and have life through us, through the baby. Be somehow glorified and magnified in this and every situation. Amen.

F.B. Meyer ( Author and English Evangelist, working in Inner Cities around the turn of the century) said;

Go to God with your question; get direction from the light of His smile or the cloud of His refusal If only you will get alone, where the disturbance of self will does not intrude, where human opinions failed to reach- and if you will dare to wait there silent and expectant, through all around you insist on immediate decision or action- the will of God will be made clear: and you will have a new name in addition, a new conception of God, a deeper insight into the His nature and heart of love, which shall be for yourself alone- a rapturous experience, to abide as your precious possession forever, the rich reward for those long waiting hours.

There are times in life when we simply have to wait and while we wait, we have to endure and press forward in the moment. We all experience pain and the degree we measure our pain cannot be against the pain of another human being. We can run… I have done that. We can mask…I have been there as well. Or we can run and hide into wholeness.  Into The One who takes the pain in real time and brings shalom in the waiting hours.

I am right here walking this path of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today.

Think On These Things…

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It is SO easy for all of us to look at what is wrong in any situation…being grumpy and complaining takes little effort. It is so easy to complain about the weather, the government, or another human being.

I have a son who is autistic. His brain apparently does not have a lot of serotonin or dopamine, because he struggles to look at the bright side of anything. We are attempting to teach him every day to recount the good things of the day, or happy memories he has experienced in the last 24 hours and let me tell you, it is grueling work! We all get very frustrated with him but do you know what? I find I can be the exact same way many times! I have this written in my dining room from Phil. 4:8; I challenge you to insert truth to all of these meditations, especially the situations you are experiencing right now that are clouded by doubt and frustration.
WHATEVER THINGS ARE TRUE-  (Insert yours here) I wrote; I am loved, forgiven, accepted and pleasing to God.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE NOBLE- Despite our struggles and set backs, my husband and I are attempting to build a holy union called marriage.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE JUST- Our children are growing up into the gifts and talents that God purposes for their lives and we experience that as a family.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE PURE- God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit give us access to themselves daily.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE LOVELY- Children that I wasn’t supposed to have, green grass, hemlocks, flowers on my porch and in my hand.
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE OF GOOD REPORT- I made it through this day loving those around me!
WHAT EVER THINGS ARE VIRTUOUS- Trusting that God has plan and future for me that is good even when my circumstances can make me doubt. I don’t give up!
WHAT EVER IS PRAISEWORTHY- I have life, I have food,  I have water, I have clothing and shelter.
So it says we are to MEDITATE ON THESE THINGS. It takes effort, energy and a changing of our minds- many times from what we see, to faith in what we don’t see. I love the HOPE that is in that!

God has given us the capacity to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. When we look at people who completely frustrate us, we must look at who they really are…who they were created to be, just as we want them to do for us. The renewing power we have been given is a super natural gift, the ability to look at something we see and yet have faith in something that we do not see is not of this world! We have access to this power and we must apprehend it with faith and a grateful heart.

I hope you take a few moments to do this exercise, just writing it out has been transforming to me! I am right here walking this path of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today!

Creating Margin…

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I have known for a long time that I need a lot of space for myself to be quiet, read, and pray  to be the person I was created to be. God rested on the 7th day and Jesus often retreated to a quiet place, why do we think we can just keep motoring through hour after hour, day after day?! This morning, I was reading a John Maxwell devotional and John takes 20% of his time- roughly 3 hours a day, to schedule nothing. Doing the math, that adds up to 6 days a month and 72 days a year!! He calls this Essential Time Off.  It allows his mind to be quiet and re focus on the things that are in front of him or be present for his family. He says that he is much more efficient with this un- scheduled time, scheduled in, than he would be with out it.

I have come to find this true again and again. No one is going to provide this margin to you or I. Others will keep taking our time if we let them and this concept of creating space takes great intentionality. Our world and our lives are so complex, we need scheduled times of peace. I just enjoyed 3 days off and it was great to put demands on hold while I spent precious time with my family. When I get back into my schedule, I will continue to have a few hours off every morning to focus on who I really am and what purposes I am here for.

In seasons when I have been really over committed, I find that just one more thing, even if it is seemingly insignificant or mundane, can make me implode if I am not having sufficient quiet time.  This time ultimately allows me to release creativity and stop to think about, and address, the details of my life- something that simply cannot be done on the run. This time also re aligns me with who I really am not just the roles I fill for others. If Jesus needed time to rest and listen to His Father,  I am sure there is abundant wisdom to realize that we need it even more!

I am right here walking this path of wholeness with you and I would love to hear from you today!