Some one to blame…..

pointing finger   Connection is some thing that we all need. There are three areas  that will completely destroy that connection and those relationships that we desire if we give them any opening in our lives.  Last week we blogged on shame... Today we are talking about blame.

I can talk about this from a position of authority because, unfortunately, I have mastered it. I have shamed, I have been ashamed, I have blamed, I have been blamed through my choices and then subsequent behaviors. Unless we get to the root of the problem( it doesn’t matter what area of life we are speaking of, friendships, marriage, parenting, work relationships) it will destroy the fabric that seemingly holds relationship together.

Robert McGee in Search for Significance  says; ” Many have been broken by the false belief-those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we all tend to point an accusing finger, assigning blame for virtually every failure. Whenever we fail to receive approval for our performance, we are likely to search for a reason….a culprit….or a scapegoat. More often than not, we can find no one but ourselves to blame, so the accusing finger points right back at us. Self condemnation is a severe for m of punishment.”

Another reason we seek to blame he says; “Is that our success often depends on their contribution. Their failure is a threat to us. When the failure of another blocks our goal of success, we usually respond by defending ourselves and blaming them, often using condemnation to manipulate them to improve  their performance.”

OUCH, OUCH, OUCH!!!! Oh, I see that in myself with my relationships with my children especially and I have gone to them and told them I have failed miserably here! I also see how I have done that to my husband over the years….it would be so easy for me to shame myself (because I am guilty) but I will choose to forgive myself and instead make very necessary changes.

So guilt is definitely a part of this shame and blame in our lives. Dr. Henry Cloud  in his book Changes That Heal says; ” Guilt and shame too often sends us into hiding. If we have to hide, we cannot get help for our needs and brokenness; we cannot become “poor in Spirit” and therefore be blessed. When grace comes along and says that we are not condemned for who we truly are, then guilt can begin to be resolved, an we can begin to heal.”

So if we are working toward connection and healing in our lives, we need to eradicate shame and blame from our lives. We need to help facilitate healing to others and to ourselves. Easier said than done….we all want to blame some one or some thing when some thing goes wrong, it is our nature. But if we want to live a life of healing and connection with others, we have to walk in humility and understanding.

I want to grow….it hurts. I want to be a person who is full of grace and mercy knowing all the grace and mercy that has been shown to me. I want to encourage you on your walk as others have encouraged me. Has this been helpful to you? We want to hear from you today<3

 

Shame on you!

Shame, is a topic none of us want to talk about…. and….that is where it gets it’s power. We all have it. Some of us have dealt with it better than others, or we are completely disconnected people and we become sociopaths!

As I was reading a book called Search for Significance by Robert McGee, a friend of mine gave me the book Daring Greatly by Brene’ Brown. OK! I am paying attention, this is some thing that God wants me to deal with in my life!

McGee says about shame; “too often our personality becomes glued to the failures. Our self-image becomes no more than a reflection of our past.” That, McGee says,” leads us to believing a lie; I am what I am, I cannot change.”

Brown says; ” as we work to understand shame, one of the simpler reasons that shame is so difficult to talk about is vocabulary. We often use the terms embarrassment, guilt, humiliation and shame interchangeably. It might seem overly picky to stress the importance of using the appropriate term to describe and experience or emotion; however, it is much more than semantics.” “The difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the difference between ” I am bad” and “I did some thing bad. Guilt=I did some thing bad. Shame= I am bad.”

If we live our lives based on these lies about our selves, OR if “we use shame to keep people in line, it is not only wrong, it is dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders and bullying. Researchers don’t find shame correlated with positive outcomes at all” Brown says.

Well, that is a list right there!One where I can see some of that in myself, and a list I see throughout society.  Maybe you do not find yourself in that list…McGee gives one of his own. “Inferiority, Habitual Destructive Behavior, Self-Pity, Passivity, Isolation and Withdraw, Loss of Creativity, Codependent Relationships and Despising Our Appearance.”  Can you see your self in that list? I have all my life and still struggle with some of those things.

Here are some steps that Brown gives to help you out of the shame attack.

  1. Practice courage and reach out! Yes I want to hide, but the way to fight shame and to honor who we are is by sharing our experience with someone who has earned the right to hear it- someone who loves us, not despite our vulnerabilities, but because of them.
  2.  Talk to myself the way I would talk to some one I really love and whom I’m trying to comfort in the midst of a meltdown; Your’re okay. Your’re human- we all make mistakes. I’ve got your back. Normally during a shame attack we talk to ourselves in ways we would NEVER talk to people we love and respect.,
  3. Own the story! Don’t bury it and let it fester or define me. I often say this aloud; “if you own this story you get to write the ending. When we bury the story we forever stay the subject of the story. If we won the story we get to narrate the ending. As Carl Jung said, “I am not what has happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

This is good stuff! It is what I need to hear right now in my life, AND it has given me a real eye opener to what I can do to my children when I don’t agree with their behavior. My loving husband said to me; “You are not defined by your failure, you are defined by who you are….and you are not that.” I loved that. I want to believe that, I want to be that to others.

Isaiah says; “He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God and afflicted but He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities the chastisement for our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, everyone, to his own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.” Is. 53:4-6

He took our sin and shame and our defeat. I need to remember that every day and want to remind all of those in my life the same.

An amazing essential oil that can calm broken hearts and emotions with it’s chemical components is; Rose Otto. I have been spraying that profusely on myself and through my home surrounding myself with the fragrance of love and healing. Just as Jesus did for us.

What are your thoughts on shame? What are your thoughts on Rose? We want to hear from you today!<3

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We Want to Hear From You!

These past few months have been busy for us at Honest Aromas. Life stuff and business stuff come together to change us and make us pretty preoccupied in the process. 🙂

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We’re faced with a lot of questions on where the company should go, what it should look like, and what it should do.

We try to decide whether to follow certain opportunities or look for ones that haven’t popped up yet.

In the midst of this process, we’d love to hear from YOU, our valued readers and customers! What do you like about Honest Aromas? What don’t you like? What would you suggest? What would you ask?

Part of business, especially small business, is getting a feel for what your client base needs.Our desire is to offer the best possible holistic-based aromatherapy care that we can. We want to create a community that thrives on knowledge and encouragement. How do you think we could better achieve that goal?

Leave a comment at the end of this post, or send us an email or find us on Facebook. We’re always looking for ways to better improve your experience as our reader and customer. Let’s work together to make Honest Aromas the best it can be!

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Throwback: All About Hydrosols

Today we look back at a wonderful facet of aromatherapy: hydrosols!

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As promised, today I’m going to share with you about the wonderful world of hydrosols! My information comes from the Aromatic Wisdom Institute’s Liz Fulcher. 

Source: All About Hydrosols

All About Spearmint

Hello all! Hope your week is going well!

Last week we shared our newest product: the Allegheny Woods collection. One of the ingredients in this special blend is Spearmint oil (Mentha spicata).

Spearmint is sweeter, cooler, and more mellow than its relative Peppermint (Mentha piperita). Our favorite brand comes from Pompeii Organics.

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Spearmint is an excellent calming oil. It soothes the body and even aids with depression. You can use spearmint for colds and flu, as it fights infection and clears airways. It is also an effective anti-fungal agent and can help with digestion.

Spearmint is a gentler mint, which makes it great for more soothing applications. It offers the freshness of mint without the bite! That’s why we chose it for our Allegheny Woods blend.

Are you interested in trying this wonderful oil out for yourself? Shoot us an email (honestaromatherapy@gmail.com)! We work with our favorite company Pompeii Organics to bring you the best prices for the best quality oils.

Have you ever used spearmint before? Let us know what you think!